Five More Good Reasons to Lose Weight

After I wrote my first list of good reasons, more and more reasons to shed some excess padding have come to light.

1. “The Pants Swish Phenomenon” – I’ve posted on here about my thunderish thighs before.  I’m honestly quite serious when I say that my thighs have been known to enter a room a full five seconds before the rest of me, and the rubbing of my humongous thighs creates a noise I call “The Pants Swish Phenomenon.”  If I were thinner, perhaps it wouldn’t sound like a flock of seagulls landing when I walk briskly into my office every morning.

2. Wearing a Seat Belt – Wearing a seat belt in your car is the number one rule of safety.  When I go to put mine on, however, I have to pull it so many times for extra material that it feels like I’m trying desperately to start a chain saw or a push mower.  Even when I do manage to hear that magic “click”, the belt is so tight it’s like a 5 year old with a hatred of necks is trying to take me down from the back seat.

3. The Bathroom Stall – This one is sort of an extension of my previous annoyance at miniscule bathtubs.  I’m going even further this time – let’s face it, bathrooms are made for skinny people.  One particular building at my workplace has stalls so tight that the toilet paper holder and the trash bin create a very effective bench-vise that presses your legs together better than watching a video of a screaming woman giving birth.

4. Stiletto Phobia – It’s true, I have a fear of stilettos.  I’m already a tall girl, but the allure of these famed and coveted shoes is too much for me to resist when engaging in retail therapy.  As much as I’m drawn to them like a mosquito to a bug zapper, I’m afraid that while wearing them my excessive weight will cause the heels to snap like cheap chopsticks and send me tumbling to the pavement (my imagined scenario of embarrassment usually adds something else mortifying like a skirt up over my head or a crowd of unbelievably hot male models pointing and laughing). 

5. My Teeny, Tiny Desk – When I tell people my desk at work is small, they usually laugh it off… until they actually see it.  I literally have a foot of desk on either side of my keyboard.  There isn’t much desk viewable, really – the faux wood veneer is covered with paper, office supplies, baskets of yet more papers, message pads, a phone straight out of the 80’s, etc.  So as a larger person, I get even less “bang for my buck” out of my office space.

Some things have improved a little.  My hips must be  a tad smaller because I’ve been knocking fewer knickknacks and small children out the way.  I look forward to more weight victories to come!


5 thoughts on “Five More Good Reasons to Lose Weight

  1. So while I don’t have Stiletto Phobia I did have an embarrassing NYE. So at the party I was at there was a light up dance floor…of course it’s made of plastic and everyone was dancing on it. Well, at one point one of my stiletto heels went THROUGH the plastic. No one really noticed so I just got off the dance floor and back onto the regular floor but I was MORTIFIED. I had already began WW but it was definitely motivation to keep going. No one else broke through the plastic (granted, there were guys on there too but they didn’t have on heels!!)!!

  2. Oh the seat belt. That was actually one of the first things that told me I was losing weight. I could grab the seat belt with my other hand. HAHAHa That is so funny. Thanks for the post

  3. Pants Swish Phenom is near & dear to my heart. Even as I’m losing weight, my thighs are still one of my trouble spots & I still hear the swish of the fabric (pants, stockings, spanx, whatever) walking the long hallway to the bathroom passing all the other offices.
    And let’s not even talk about corduroys…

  4. Brie, that story is awesome! You have to tell it on the boards, if you haven’t already. The many hazards of stilettos 😉

  5. The pants My friend and I were shopping awhile back and she (who at one point was 320pds – now 145) was trying on jeans and had actual leg space – leg space!! I was like…I haven’t had leg space since I was like 15!

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