Life as a Low-Cal Liquorholic

It’s no secret that I enjoy a good stiff drink or six at social events.

Or rather, I used to.

On a boat, trick! Last summer with my sister and a (previously) ever-present drink in my hand.

Now, all it takes is one glass of wine to knock me on my (less substantial) behind. Not even kidding. Besides the fact that I now sometimes masquerade as a grown-up and no longer spend hours bar-hopping with my college friends, there’s an actual physical reason for this.

Did you know that your rate of metabolizing alcohol is directly related to your weight? For example: at 250 lbs. (Old Lisa), a woman who drinks 6 drinks over 4 hours will have a blood alcohol content (BAC) of 0.0617, under the legal limit here in the United States. A woman weighing 170 lbs. (New Lisa) drinking at the same rate, however, results in a jaw-dropping BAC of 0.1134 – time to call a cab, grab your water bottle and some aspirin, huddle up in your bed and sleep in your sunglasses as protection against the blinding-oh-my-GAWD rays of sunshine that will undoubtedly find their way to your face in the morning.

(P.S. Want to calculate your BAC? Check out!)

Right around Christmas I was at a party in which I forgot about the above. Whoops? How I managed to stay upright on stilettos that night, I’ll never know. I tossed back shots of vodka, glass after glass of wine, and threw back a few beers for good measure. Me = trashed. I’d like to blame the fact that someone who derived amusement from my drunken self (*ahem*Cindy*ahem*) was pouring some of my drinks, but in reality, I did not refuse any of the alcohol surreptitiously poured into my cup.

I used to be pretty proud of my ability to drink my friends under the table. At 247 lbs., I could keep the pace with any of my guy friends while my thinner girl friends dropped one-by-one out of the running. Ever had a lunchbox? I’m not talking about the plastic Barbie and the Rockers container you used to use to carry your sandwich and Oreos to kindergarten. No, a lunchbox drink is a 16 oz. glass of beer filled 3/4 full, with a shot of orange juice and a shot glass full of amaretto dropped in the bottom of the glass. Do you sip it slowly, savoring the mix of flavors? Oh no, a lunchbox is meant to be drunk like a shot – drink til you hit the bottom of the glass.

Yup, I can remember many evenings at the local bar drinking those with a couple of male acquaintances.

I could give several reasons for enjoying booze. I did, after all, grow up in Wisconsin, the land of Miller brewing (our baseball team’s even named after the process of creating beer). It’s also legal for a minor to drink with their parents in Wisconsin. I remember once being 18 years old and out to dinner with my family at a local “classy” restaurant. (Read: “classy” and dead animals tacked to the wall are not mutually exclusive in this state.) While most of you were probably ordering Diet Coke at that age, I was ordering a chocolate martini.

My glassware cabinet is full of cups meant specifically for liquor. In college it was purple plastic margarita glasses and my shot glass collection. After college I added slightly more mature flagons, like champagne flutes and stemless wine glasses.

Now, my sink full of dirty dishes rarely contains any other glass than water glasses. As I said above, I just can’t drink like I used to, and if I have WW Points left to consume in the evening, you can bet I’d rather eat a banana than down a beer.

That’s not to say I’ve become a teetotaler. I still enjoy a drink now and then, but in far fewer quantities than before. My top low-calorie drinks include:

  • white wine spritzers – 90 calories
  • MGD 64 (bottled) – 64 calories, obv.
  • small glass of red or white wine – 70-90 calories
  • Captain and Diet Coke – 97 calories

What’s your favorite low-cal beverage?


4 thoughts on “Life as a Low-Cal Liquorholic

  1. I needed to read this post. With the weather getting nicer, it’s getting to that time of year where my friends (um, and me too obviously) seem to go into celebratory drinking mode. Like every time we have or go out for drinks, it feels like we *should* be drinking for some reason, rather than it just being normal hanging out, social drinking. I’m not sure if that makes any sense, but that feeling is definitely wreaking havoc with my self-control — and with the amount of liquid points I consume. Arggh. However, my favorite low-point drinks are whiskey-sodas and red wine. Or just bourbon on the rocks. That, at least, forces me to sip instead of shoot.

  2. I agree! Some nights, you just need to let loose, so although I drink pretty seldom, its so nice now to only throw back a couple and feel pretty great! For general social drinking, i stick to beer and wine instead of hard liquor- the hard liquor I drink way to fast or get sick. I am not a big fan of MGD64, so I try to allot the points for beer I really want or I can get a light beer on tap and guzzle my 2-3 points (depending on size) for the next hour, at least.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s