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Tears In the Dark

If you’re looking for a post with my signature humor, this definitely isn’t it.

First of all: if you’re unsure as to what night eating syndrome is, please visit MD Junction’s night eating syndrome site.

Yesterday I visited my doctor and essentially said, “I’ve had it. I’m done. I’m at the end of my rope.” regarding night eating syndrome. Before my appointment I had made a list of all the negative ways it was impacting my life. Here are a select few excerpts:

  • lighting food wrappers on fire in the microwave (trying to get food unfrozen)
  • cutting apples in the dark with a sharp knife (not sure why all my fingers are yet intact)
  • ruining my teeth (brush and floss all you want, if you eat sugary things all night you’re not going to have perfect pearly whites)

And of course, there’s the big one: if you are on a weight loss plan, and you eat 1/3, half, or most of your calories during the night, where does that leave you during the day? It leaves you royally effed. You can choose to either a) starve or b) not care and eat way more calories than you can consume and still lose weight.

Then there’s the guilt. It would take me pages and pages to detail the emotional effects. Deep down, I know it’s not my fault, but when I felt so strong and confident in my abilities to lose weight for so long, and now to feel like I’m a complete failure… It’s brutal.

Why hasn’t it impacted my weight loss before this, you may be asking. First, let me say that I’ve been hovering around the same weight since November. When you’re on Weight Watchers, you receive a certain amount of points to eat every day. The more you weigh, the more points you receive. The less you weigh, the less points you get. When I had more points to consume every day, I had more leeway to screw up, if that makes any sense. Now, I get so few points as it is, that night eating has at times left me with as little as 7 points (approx. 400 calories) to eat during the day.

I’m feeling very thankful for my doctor this morning. Not all doctors would have listened as patiently as I told her I can’t even buy bread anymore because I’ll eat the entire loaf at night, or taken the time to read the articles I had printed out and brought with me, and searched her database for solutions.

Which brings me to the solution: it’s something that I never, ever wanted. And I debated even posting it here, because there is such a stigma attached to it. But I consider my weight loss journey an open book to anyone who wants to read it, and this is part of my journey.

My doctor’s suggestion? Since night eating syndrome is related to a drop in serotonin at night, let’s try 20 mg. of Prozac every day.

I am, in general, opposed to what I feel is an overmedication of America. I have never, ever, wanted to take drugs of this kind, for any reason. So I consider it a mark of my desperation and essential surrender that I am agreeing to this.

I’m giving it five weeks. If it doesn’t correct or drastically improve my night eating, then it’s getting the boot and I’ll be sitting in my doctor’s office near tears once again.

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