The Ballet Body (Booty?)

I’ve been taking ballet lessons, once per week, for three months now. And I love it. Like, crazy-want-to-marry-it-and-have-its-babies kind of love.

The thing is, I didn’t expect it to affect my body image so much. Even more strangely, it has impacted it in both directions.

The bad: typical ballet attire is skin-tight. Leotard, the aptly-named tights, and I get away with a wrap skirt to disguise my holster hips. So, while I’m wearing nothing but stretchy material pulled soundly around each bulge on my body, I’m in a room with walls that consist nearly completely of mirrors. And I’m expected to jump around in this environment.

This is a total buzz kill. At last week’s class I was leaning backwards on my elbows against the barre, and when I looked in the mirror, my stomach pudge in my black leotard looked more realistically like a spare tire than the one hidden in the trunk of my car. TRUE STORY.

Though, some of my anxiety was relieved after my teacher told me that the mirrors in her classroom are bowed outwards, making everyone appear ten pounds heavier. I breathed a sigh of relief after hearing that one, though my inner annoying voice chimed in with “The mirror didn’t create that spare tire!”

Most often, the mirrors don’t bother me. Honestly, I’m too busy trying to make my body move in ways it never has before. The after effect: I feel totally graceful nearly 90 percent of the time now. Walk to open the door of my apartment? No way, why not grand jete? Merely bend over to pick up an errant piece of paper? Pfft. Arabesque all the way. I point my toes when I walk, jump out of bed, step out of the shower, etc. I don’t turn around – I spin. I even stretch with my arms in the proper positions.

So I’ve come to the conclusion: ballet makes me feel pudgy, but graceful. And I can work on the pudgy part. ūüėČ I will never have the perfect ballet body. I’m not built to be a stick – I’m built to be a shaped more like a gnarly tree trunk. I don’t have a ballet body – I have a ballet booty, and I’m proud of it.


Week Seventy-One Results: Tell Me Yours, Too!

Guess what? Chicken butt. (Naw, just kidding – but did I make you have a nostalgic moment? I surely hope so.) FOR REAL: I now officially weigh 169 lbs.!

Starting stats:
Weight: 247 lbs.
BMI: 36.5

Today’s stats:
Weight: 169 lbs.
BMI: 25.0

I need just one measly tenth of a BMI point lost in order to be considered “normal” weight instead of overweight. I’m working SO hard this week, it’s insane… I’m going to be hitting the bike path every day at lunch to try to earn 10 AP over¬† my five lunch periods instead of my usual 4-5 with walking. (I swear I’m going to work an actual blog post into this week in between all those activity points, too.)

BUT, I’m sick of hearing about me. Really.

So tell me about your most recent weigh in, please? How did you fare when you last faced the scale?


Crazy Dance Parties

I’ll admit it, I have secret crazy dance parties in my bedroom (no, that’s not slang for something else.¬† Sorry to disappoint).¬† There are some nights when I just don’t feel like sweating to tae bo or breaking my behind on a bicycle.¬† Enter: the crazy, solo dance party.

If you’ve never held your own solo dance party, here are some instructions on party planning:
1) Put on some clothes that you love, but would never be caught dead wearing in public.
2) Put on some music that you love, but would never be caught dead listening to in public.
3) Put on some dance moves that you love, but would  never be caught dead doing in public.
4) Repeat step 3 until thoroughly exhausted and ready to re-join the general populous.

Vigorous, uninhibited dance is actually great activity.¬† It’s not going to get you six-pack abs or on the cover of SELF magazine, but it’ll definitely burn some calories.¬† Plus, it’s pretty freeing for those of us who feel a little too straight-laced during the work week.¬†

So here’s my top ten “Crazy Solo Dance Party Mix Songs” – available on six¬†eight-tracks (or make your own mixtape!)¬†for only $19.95 + shipping and handling.¬† Or not, I kid.

1. Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
2. School’s Out for Summer – Alice Cooper
3. SOS – Jonas Brothers
4. Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry
5. Come On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners
6. Days Go By – Dirty Vegas
7. Check Up On It – Beyonce feat. Slim Thug
8. Fortunate Son – Creedance Clearwater Revival
9. Rock and Roll All Night – KISS
10. Thriller – Michael Jackson

So I dare you all: whip out your most embarrassing dancing pants and some sprinkler/shopping cart/macarena/disco/krumping moves in the privacy of your own room or apartment, and let the good times begin.  And if you can do the Thriller dance, I take my figurative hat off to you Рand ask for video proof.