Monthly Archives: February 2009

8

The Picture of Shame

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It wasn’t the sole reason I decided to lose weight.  It wasn’t even a large part – but there is a photo that has been a source of shame to me since the moment.  It was taken last summer, at a typical small-town bar near my sister’s cabin.  There’s nothing out of the ordinary in the photo.  I’m even wearing black, which is supposed to be slimming.

The black bar should belong to me in this photo.

The black bar should belong to me in this photo.

Compared to the other girls, I look mammoth.  I dwarf the others.  Upon looking at it, I didn’t even recognize myself.  I couldn’t imagine that I had let myself get so big – but I had.  It was the same with all subsequent pictures of me.  I almost couldn’t bring myself to look at them, thinking that if I didn’t look, the problem didn’t exist.
I’m happy to say that’s slowly reversing – very slowly.  I have recent pictures of myself, and I hope to post them soon.  Sorry to be so serious in this post.  I usually try to inject some humor into what I write, but there’s nothing funny I can think to say about the above photo.  All I can say is that I’ve left that girl in the dust, and I will never be there again.
5

Five More Good Reasons to Lose Weight

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After I wrote my first list of good reasons, more and more reasons to shed some excess padding have come to light.

1. “The Pants Swish Phenomenon” – I’ve posted on here about my thunderish thighs before.  I’m honestly quite serious when I say that my thighs have been known to enter a room a full five seconds before the rest of me, and the rubbing of my humongous thighs creates a noise I call “The Pants Swish Phenomenon.”  If I were thinner, perhaps it wouldn’t sound like a flock of seagulls landing when I walk briskly into my office every morning.

2. Wearing a Seat Belt – Wearing a seat belt in your car is the number one rule of safety.  When I go to put mine on, however, I have to pull it so many times for extra material that it feels like I’m trying desperately to start a chain saw or a push mower.  Even when I do manage to hear that magic “click”, the belt is so tight it’s like a 5 year old with a hatred of necks is trying to take me down from the back seat.

3. The Bathroom Stall – This one is sort of an extension of my previous annoyance at miniscule bathtubs.  I’m going even further this time – let’s face it, bathrooms are made for skinny people.  One particular building at my workplace has stalls so tight that the toilet paper holder and the trash bin create a very effective bench-vise that presses your legs together better than watching a video of a screaming woman giving birth.

4. Stiletto Phobia – It’s true, I have a fear of stilettos.  I’m already a tall girl, but the allure of these famed and coveted shoes is too much for me to resist when engaging in retail therapy.  As much as I’m drawn to them like a mosquito to a bug zapper, I’m afraid that while wearing them my excessive weight will cause the heels to snap like cheap chopsticks and send me tumbling to the pavement (my imagined scenario of embarrassment usually adds something else mortifying like a skirt up over my head or a crowd of unbelievably hot male models pointing and laughing). 

5. My Teeny, Tiny Desk – When I tell people my desk at work is small, they usually laugh it off… until they actually see it.  I literally have a foot of desk on either side of my keyboard.  There isn’t much desk viewable, really – the faux wood veneer is covered with paper, office supplies, baskets of yet more papers, message pads, a phone straight out of the 80’s, etc.  So as a larger person, I get even less “bang for my buck” out of my office space.

Some things have improved a little.  My hips must be  a tad smaller because I’ve been knocking fewer knickknacks and small children out the way.  I look forward to more weight victories to come!

2

Week Seven Results

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This week, I was sure I wouldn’t lose anything.  I was sick earlier in the week, worked out only twice, and had a four-piece Chicken McNuggets from McDonalds, plus a greasy chicken sandwich and a piece of gooey carrot cake for a co-worker’s birthday.  Apparently luck was on my side!

Starting stats:
Weight: 247 lbs.
BMI: 36.5

Today’s stats:
Weight: 225.2
BMI: 33.2

This week I’m going to try and post some pictures – poke me on facebook if I forget! Lol.

3

The Hunt for Lost Weight

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My bathroom scale, Weight Watchers tracking device, and various friends and family members have all noted that I’ve lost weight – 20 lbs. to be exact.  Some of my clothes now fit more like garbage bags than rubber bands, and yet when I look in the mirror, I feel like I need some sort of treasure map to find exactly how I look any different.

Every part of me looks the same.  Upon careful scrutiny in the mirror everyday, I note the list of unchanged parts of me – which is all of them.  Chipmunk-like cheeks? Check.  Hips so wide they’d be at home checking people during a hockey game? Check.  Voluminous, Rubenesque thighs? Check.  Spare-tire stomach? Check.

I’ve pored over my upper arms, checked my back-pudge so often I’ve got a permanent kink in my neck, and examined my calves so much I think I’ve memorized every pore, mole, and childhood scar I have there.  If I thought using a magnifying glass might help me at all, I’d be tracking one down and playing Sherlock Holmes.

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but shouldn’t some part of me actually look like I’ve lost weight? Perhaps I’m feeling too entitled and impatient at this point. 

But sadly, that’s not going to stop me from spending an excessive amount of time in front of the mirror, avidly seeking just that one noticeable difference.

5

Disappointingly Rewarded

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As I hit 20 lbs. down this weekend, it was time to purchase myself a reward once again.  I decided a movie might be a worthy prize, and set out to buy one I had wanted for quite awhile, but hadn’t seen – the second X-Files movie.  Yup, I’m a science fiction girl (but not a Trekkie or Trekie or Trekker or whatever moniker those fond of the show use).  I was so proud of shedding the equivalent of four sacks of potatoes that I even bought the special edition like the secret geek I am.

… it sucked, to put it mildly.  The movie was nothing close to what the X-Files used to be, a smart, witty, and often downright terrifying show.  As the credits began to roll, I set down the remote with an air of disbelief, asking myself, “This is what I forced myself to eat sweet potatoes for?”

After my severe disappointment lessened some, I thought I’d try again.  Didn’t I deserve something spectacular for working so hard? This time, I went shopping for a spring dress.  I hit Old Navy, JC Penney, Kohls, and even the hideously-named Dress Barn (the staples of shopping near a small town) yesterday and ran into a host of troubles.

I had seen a dress on Old Navy’s online store that would be perfect: it was purple, light, airy, ruffly, and girly – everything a spring sundress should be.  I went to the store, and nearly squealed with excitement when I saw it.  I flipped through the rack, trying eagerly to find my size, and was confronted with a new and odd situation: while XXL was usually missing from the rack, there was an XXL hanging there, and XL was glaringly missing.  Definitely something I haven’t been faced with probably since grunge was in fashion – something on the rack was too big for me, and my size was missing. 😦

The rest of the stores had my size, but every other dress paled in comparison to the purple sundress.  I returned home from my quest disappointed yet again.  I hold out some hope, however.  A reward for being 25 pounds down and hitting my 10 percent can’t be far behind!

8

Tasty Products: Round Two

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Don’t get me wrong, I adore all the tasty finds I wrote about previously, but after four weeks, I started to get a little bored.  Last week’s grocery trip was an adventure in shopping, and most of the items I found definitely qualify as “yum.”

Skinny Cow Strawberry Shortcake Ice Cream Sandwiches
I’ve had Skinny Cow items before, and they’ve always impressed me with their fabulous taste and minuscule calories.  I saw the strawberry-flavored version and couldn’t resist.  I was a little nervous that they might taste like they contained strawberry cough syrup, but they are so delicious!  They rival anything you could find at your local DQ.  Plus, how can you not love a product that has the Laughing Cow’s skinnier cousin on its packaging?

Nutrition Info Per Sandwich:
Calories: 140
Fat: 2 grams
Fiber: 3 grams

Midget Kosher Dill Pickles
While these aren’t a product marketed towards people trying to lose weight, they have been a HUGE help to me.  It’s forbidden by Weight Watchers to post points for things, but let’s just say the number of points in each salty, satisfying green bite rhymes with “blearo.”  The nutritional info for each brand varies, but the ones I buy have an astonishing 5 calories per serving.

100 Calorie Planter’s Peanut Butter Crisps
I love peanut butter.  I love anything that has peanut butter in it – recall be damned.  These were another impulse buy that worked out.  The cookies are just like their full-fat neighbors, with the exception of the peanut butter filling in the middle.  Though I do miss that, I’d rather eat cookies with no filling in the middle than have a middle that’s way too full of filling.  Say that a few times!

Nutrition Info Per Cookie Pack:
Calories: 100
Fat: 3 grams
Fiber: 1 gram

Canned Pumpkin
This too is available in a wide variety of brands.  I got the idea to use this from the ladies and gents at the Weight Watchers boards.  One can of pumpkin can be substituted for oil and eggs in a Spice Cake mix, and the result is delicious, low point cake that is perfect for gobbling down in the winter.  I’ve been tossing pieces of the cake in the microwave and having it for dessert for the past week.

Lean Cuisine Macaroni and Cheese
As a former devotee of the Cult of Neon-Colored Pasta, one of my first priorities this week was to find a suitable replacement for my previous idol, Kraft Mac ‘N Cheese.  First, I tried SmartOnes’ macaroni and cheese dish.  Ugh.  It was like eating shrunken cardboard paper towel tubes coated in melted spray cheese.  I felt completely burned by “diet” mac, but tried Lean Cuisine’s version anyway, and I’m so glad I did.  It tastes almost as good as Stouffer’s mac and cheese.  Tip: Let the dish sit for 3-4 minutes after you take it out of the microwave.  The sauce will thicken up and it will be way more satisfying.

Nutrition Info Per Tray:
Calories: 290
Fat: 7 grams
Fiber: 1 gram

I really hope I continue to find products that are low in points and high in taste.  Thanks to dropping into the 220s at my last weigh in, I got another daily point ripped away from me, and I really miss it!

8

The Broad Broad’s Top Eleven Workout Tunes

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Usually lists like these are composed of ten items.  However, I love all eleven of these tracks and couldn’t part with one of them for the sake of conformity.

I ❤ my iPod shuffle.  My little blue metallic friend goes everywhere I go, and is the only witness to my horrific attempts at singing in my car.  Lately, it’s been the force driving me to work out.  If I had to listen to my own panting, shuffling, gasping, .etc., I might just give up and head home to some Ben and Jerry’s.

So here’s my current favorites for keeping me motivated.  Some of them are a tad unconventional, some a little too juvenile for a 24 year old, and some of them too elderly for a 24 year old.  Give them a listen at a music site before you judge my taste in melodies.

1. Jordin Sparks – One Step At a Time
It was no contest for this song to be my number one.  This tune is pretty much my life theme song right now.  I listen to it on my way to work, on my way home from work, and at least twice every time I work out.  Besides being upbeat, the lyrics remind me that losing weight isn’t going to happen all at once (even if the actual lyrics are about an entirely different subject).

2. Otis Redding – Love Man
Dirty Dancing, anyone?  Through some travesty of justice, I didn’t see this movie until my second year of college.  To my delight, it’s nearly always on the OnDemand free movie list from my cable provider.  If you don’t swing your hips while listening to this song, you have a malfunction somewhere.

3. Katy Perry – Hot N Cold
I adore Katy Perry.  Her music is the freshest sound I’ve heard in a long time, and the beat of this song is absolutely perfect for riding a stationery bike – it’s like your feet magically follow the club-like bass, making for near effortless movement.  Wow, I sound like I’m doing an infomercial for Katy Perry instead of a list of music.  Hmm, sad.

4. Across the Universe Soundtrack – Helter Skelter
The frantic pace of this song makes me flip to it every time I’m just about to heave a sigh and pass out over the handlebars of the bike.  I’ve named it to my personal “ambulance list” as well as my favorite music.

5. Miley Cyrus – See You Again
Laugh and ridicule all you want.  Go ahead, seriously, I’ll wait.  While I definitely don’t count myself among Miley’s legions of screaming, hormonal fans, I do like this song. It’s another one of those songs with a fast and fun beat, especially the chorus.

6. All American Rejects – Move Along
Listening to this one is like having your own personal trainer telling you to get in gear.  Perhaps it’s some kind of musical hypnosis, but when you hear a voice saying “move along” repeatedly, it induces you to keep going.

7. Boys Like Girls – Great Escape
I’ve loved this song for a long time.  It’s just fun to listen to – and that’s all I have to say about that.

8. Britney Spears – Stronger
No workout music list is complete without some Britney Spears.  Her life may be an irresistible train wreck, but her music is so assuredly pop and frantic that it’s hard not to be motivated by it.

9. Avril Lavigne – Sk8er Boi
I realize this one dates me a little, but I’m cool with that.  Sk8er Boi is so fast-paced that it makes it impossible to slump along while you’re working out.

10. Paramore – Misery Business
Ah yes, an “angry female” song.  This is the one I turn on when I’m pissed off during my workout.  I mean, could the time clock countdown any slower?   Could my shirt be any sweatier?  Could my makeup be any more melted down my face, making me look like a clown that went through a car wash? (Yes, I realize I’m channeling Chandler Bing here.)

11. John Mayer – Bigger Than My Body
And last but not least, Mr. Mayer.  The title of this song is a tad humorous to someone trying to drop pounds, but the message remains great and motivational.

Am I missing out on some fabulous music that would make my legs move faster and my pores sweat more profusely?  I’m open to suggestion.